I have felt many changes coming over me lately - mostly a belief in myself & in my abilities as a person, a professional, a mother to my living angel Jeven.
|Jeven & I the night before James' memorial|
|Classic Jev with the contents of his meal in his hair|
I, for a long time wondered when I would feel like a grown up - I certainly had all the hallmarks to make the case but never truly felt it, until now. I have also stopped depriving myself to prove that I can live without - I now believe that I deserve to have things because there is no purpose in proving that one can go without.
I feel that James has risen me from a life of modesty & uncertainty about my own worthiness. I am now certain that I am worthy & I am able, I believe in myself - don't know why but there is some peace in the fact that I do.
This is not to say that I am so foolish to think I won't have moments of doubt or still be confused by this journey, rather, I feel like things have shifted & in that spirit I am re working my outlook as I reach little pieces of clarity out of all the confusion.