Seems my subconscious is working overtime. I've had the craziest of dreams - from friends losing their babies to being in the middle of Columbine mass murder & having to protect Jeven. I wake up almost exhausted from the various tragedies that play out in my dreams - sometimes they even haunt me the next day.
Things are still so early & yet I feel need to fast forward to the end & know how things turn out. I told myself that I would cherish every moment but each cherished moment is also drenched in fear of not getting to the next cherished moment. Oy - double edged sword I guess.
Was moved to tears today - the rushes of raw emotion come less frequently these days, so I am always caught off guard when they do. Mostly I feel damaged, seeing the world so differently then almost everyone I know. This afternoon I felt pure grief again & transported back - back to the beginning.
No telling what my dreams will be like tonight but I hope my tortured subconscious will be gentle on me tonight.