Sunday, 25 September 2011


Seems my subconscious is working overtime.  I've had the craziest of dreams - from friends losing their babies to being in the middle of Columbine mass murder & having to protect Jeven.  I wake up almost exhausted from the various tragedies that play out in my dreams - sometimes they even haunt me the next day.

Things are still so early & yet I feel need to fast forward to the end & know how things turn out.  I told myself that I would cherish every moment but each cherished moment is also drenched in fear of not getting to the next cherished moment.  Oy - double edged sword I guess.

Was moved to tears today - the rushes of raw emotion come less frequently these days, so I am always caught off guard when they do.  Mostly I feel damaged, seeing the world so differently then almost everyone I know.  This afternoon I felt pure grief again & transported back - back to the beginning. 

No telling what my dreams will be like tonight but I hope my tortured subconscious will be gentle on me tonight.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I hope so too, Caroline..... I have been tortured by those horrifying dreams.... love to you