Wednesday, 14 September 2011

A cynic

When did I become so cynical?  I find that I don't believe in anything, unless proven otherwise, especially if there is an element of chance.  I don't remember being this way.  It's changed the way I practice at work, others have even pointed it out. 

Especially things I want most - I just find I am cynic - believe it'll likely not happen before I ever allow myself to believe it will.  Not interested in any more disappointments I guess. 

Recently I've seen my share of pep talks - none of which are directed my way but all of which have bothered the heck out of me.  I guess I find them purposeless, maybe even a bit deceiving.  Lord knows I'm not in the mood for any words of encouragement - I am frustrated & cynical and want to be allowed to be this way b/c this is how I feel.

It's not socially acceptable to be openly grief stricken all the time, it's not acceptable to be angry, cynical, frustrated.  There only seems to be room for upbeat naivete, well sorry that girl is gone & I'm not in the mood to be anyone that I'm not right now.

I'm sure that pendulum will swing back - maybe my optimism or at least realism will return. 

Remembering moments with you although brief all day to today angel.  Always in my heart - Love Mommy xoxoxox

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