Monday, 27 June 2011

Empty arms pt 2

The day is almost gone now & I've come full circle - like I've cycled in a day through the throws of the grief cycle.  Now I'm angry, exhausted & simply want my baby.  Tonight when I go to bed this terrible thing will be done, but never over.

I am completely grateful that no one else I know who's been pregnant has had to live this nightmare but am angry for having to be the one it happened to - why me? not fair! Sorry this one is just raw - not censored & definitely not directed at anyone. 

My child should be with me tonight & I guess he is but not the way we planned & I am not satisfied with that reality.  Tough - I have to live without him & I have no choice.  I am angry for that. 

Wish this day could have ended on a different note but the charge of going on with life after his is so blatantly missing fills my frustrated heart.  Love is timeless, endless & it endures so with that I know no matter when we are reunited it will be like that night we held you in our arms - even though you were already gone.  I long for one more moment, to see your face once more, to feel your fingers clasp mine, to watch you live.

I feel the day slipping away & it's like you are slipping away with it - all over again.  Desperate to hang on, but knowing I can't & completely sick of feeling helpless.

My love for you is beyond the written word, my need for you is beyond the loudest cry or farthest reach, the hole in my heart will never be healed & my memory of you will never fade.  My arms ache without you in them & I miss your life in my life.

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