It's over.  It was such a whirlwind that I have barely had a chance to reflect.  A few moments stand out.

We visited a lot this holiday season, our times were positive & Jeven was spoiled & had a endless fun.  These were the precious moments, these were also the ones that made me wonder how things "could" have been. 

Got some news about a cousin due a few weeks before we are, they are having a boy.  The news pricked my senses, I felt hate in my heart for their good fortune & resentment for the son we are missing.  This was but the beginning of a weekend full of focus on what we hope will be our 3rd child.  I felt a hole where James should have been but more over, the sting of realizing others are replacing their memories of him with our 3rd.  James 1st birthday is but a few short weeks away & he is far from the minds of his family, but not his parents.

Holidays are over, I'm exhausted - burnt out a bit if I'm being honest, but I feel no relief for having survived - I'm actually angry for having had to survive.

Another few weeks to survive & then hit re-set and start all over again...