Thursday, 10 November 2011

Roller Coaster & good bye

What a roller coaster recently.  I have swung from paralyzing fear to pure panic, to elation to sadness all in the same week - sigh.  It has been one for reflection & realization - this is going to be hard & I am going to need a team of supportive people & professionals to get me through it.  I am going to have to trust my instincts even if they are wrong while trying to stay mindful.

I learned that my family experienced a loss, an uncle who has been sick for some time passed on.  It is a mixed experience for me, his passing was merciful as he had suffered for a long time, it has made me aware of the cycle of life - even though I don't really believe in that anymore - it has made me feel for those left behind.  I hope that James and my Pepe received him with love & he is watching up above & can feel all my fond memories of him.  Funny how since James left I all I can think of is honouring the life of person who has passed. 

James, I think I can feel your little brother or sister now but I worry that he/she will stop moving like you.  I need your help to stay patient & positive.  I'll see him/her tomorrow again at the screening & would love for you to hold my hand b/c your dad can't be there.  Keep your Tonton Maurice company since he's new & tell him how much we love & miss him.

xoxoxox Mommy

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