Tuesday, 8 November 2011

My anxiety reached a whole new level today.  I have been thinking non stop about Friday & been flipping around looking at some info from other angel baby moms on pregnancy after loss.  Then I realized that everything I heard in groups said that the mom's knew something was wrong, I feel like something is wrong.  It was then that I decided I had to do something.  I couldn't sit & wait for the next 3 days, this level of anxiety can't be healthy for anyone let alone a baby, if it's still alive.  Then the next brain wave - I have an extra requisition for ultrasound - the one I never used to confirm heartbeat!  Next obstacle getting an appointment - I called & they had a cancellation for today - booked!  Now all I have to do is sit & wait....the hardest part.

I am terrified & prepared all at the same time for something to be wrong - D&C is what I'd be facing.  I'm also desperate for my gut to be wrong - please be wrong.  Only a little under 2 hours now until i know.   Next posting will either be- here we go again or -I can breath again - for now.

James, please be near during the ultrasound, I'm going to need all the extra strength I can get. 

xoxoxo Mommy


  1. praying, Caroline.... touch base soon. I'm always here.

  2. Please post soon - sending all good thoughts and wishes your way!!!