What a difference a few hours can make. Had I waited before posting my original post, it may have had a very different flavour - but it represents the truth & that is the beauty of this forum.
B/c I am using midwifery care, they provided me with a connection to a Homeopath who does homeopathic inductions. Before James died, I am sure that my doubts about this kind of treatment would have prevented me from being open minded enough to consider it. After, and after especially watching all the documentaries, I am motivated to do anything that can help bring our unborn safely into this world. Don't get me wrong, I still have doubts, they just aren't going to stop me.
I contacted her today to schedue a homeopathic induction - sounds like remedies etc to help move things along & I am reassured by my midwives that it is safe for both me & this baby.
It is during this conversation that I was struck, I was honest about James' delivery and she was like a rocket, zeroing in on my anxiety, fear, sense of danger. She spoke of the power of the mind to block labour if there is fear or doubt, she spoke of the sensitivity of babies to mother's feelings of danger & reassured me my body and baby can do this. It was at the point of reassurance that my body can do this that my doubt raged in - my body can do this? I thought, it couldn't do this last time, my baby boy didn't have a chance to do this last time. I was angry and frustrated. Then I took a breath and thought, what if my greatest fear influences the outcome. What happens if I don't make the effort to re-focus on hope rather then certainty & put in a little work, even if it feels unconventional, b/c a safe delivery is more important then my doubts?
So, I have some homework - try and focus on my first birth experience & pull out moments that made me feel confident in my body, positive moments to focus on & words that can help bring me back there when my doubts creep in.
I see her Wednesday & I am scared & intrigued at the same time. I guess I'd better get to work on being present & positive.
The Homeopath's name is Piper Martin, she also writes a pregnancy blog & her focus of work is on homeopathic pregnancy. I'm going to attach a link for anyone interested in her work, blog, philosophy etc - she seems like a phenomenal woman. http://www.pipermartin.com/