If I had a wish, it would be that my children always know how loved they each are. If they never have to question in their hearts that I love them each beyond words and without reservation, regardless of circumstance I will have fulfilled my purpose.
I have spent time, building a career, trying to be a upstanding member of my community, living with dignity and respecting others. Today, all the matters is my family - I care not about the money & hours I have invested towards my career, being viewed as a contributing member of community, worrying about others.
I have always wanted to be the kind of person who would make you want to go the extra mile for. The one who despite adversity tries to just keep moving. I never realized however, this comes at a price - they say the good guy finishes last & I have not always believed this. After the experiences of the past year, I can not say I am firm in my beliefs any longer. Although I still feel a walk on the line of advocating strongly & being respectful is important, I wonder if the hard nosed advocate who takes a no holds barred & the spare no one attitude will always end up being the winner anyway. I realize I am not this person and actually hope I never am, but for the sake of my children, I wonder if I need to grow some courage & strengthen my voice.
I am worried, I feel my emotions running away with me. I have new regrets that seem to haunt me and I feel I have lost some of my fight.
Mistakes were made, regrets are formed but the love is indelible.