When I first came across this article, I thought, I can relate - sort of.
Today I searched this article out because I have become this very thing. The thing I never wanted to be but recently I can't seem to get a grip on.
I feel totally lost, the grief seems to have gripped me. My birthday is tomorrow & I am an anxious, scattered mess. I don't want to acknowledge the day let alone celebrate. I have been on a reflective streak, almost like I'm having a mid life crisis. I see all the potential, all the hope, opportunities over the years & wonder; how'd I get here? who am I? I'm not sure if I even like who I've become?
My poor children are taking the brunt of it. My lack of control, this feeling of a deepening hole in my chest. I hate myself a little more every time it comes out. I am borrowing this term but I have become "Monster mommy".
Reading this article, Monster Mommy & Monster Mommy pt 2 has helped. At least I'm not alone in the unhinged moments. Hard to admit I'm so far from the parent I have always strived to be. Hard to admit I can't relish my living children every second like I know i should, my heart & head just aren't cooperating these days. Lastly hope that it'll turn around & I won't have scarred my children in the process.
Here are the articles, Monster Mommy & pt 2 both published in Still Standing Magazine.
Monster Mommy pt 2
Lost for how to wrap this up...hoping for a better day tomorrow.