Loss causes you to reflect. Loss makes you re-evaluate, loss makes you shift priorities, embrace things, reject others. Loss makes you question, question everything.
I am questioning everything. As I reflect, I cast my mind back to times, choices, opportunities, career, decisions as far back as my mind will let me go. I see clearly with hindsight the choices I made with best of intentions that were flawed. I cast my mind to those who watched me err in my ways and wonder how?
I envy those around me that I see with things I believe were once within my reach, back in time & I wonder how life would be different.
Things that I would never change rush to the forefront. The things I am grateful for flash in mind, but a sense of regret, resentment for things lost remains.
Questions about the future, conviction to change what I can, learn from past mistakes & hope that I can rise from the proverbial ashes of my life, my son's short life, my life without my touchstone & guardian; Meme.