Tuesday, 19 March 2013

The pain maker

Life & death.  They are made to sound like such simple, straight forward concepts, processes.  Automatic in the cycle of life.  I acknowledge they are the starting & ending points, but simple, straight forward, automatic?  I hardly think so.

When life imparts one of  its crewelities upon us, the comments that we all know to well come out.  I've of course heard them all and now I can add a few more.  Only this time, it's about my Meme dying.  She lived a full life, a good life.  Both of these statements are true & I will dedicate my memories to her life the way she lived, not died, but what I find about comments like these are that they distract from the pain of loss even shame for feeling loss.  Just like all the ones I heard and if you've lost a child, you've heard too.  Why are we so driven to avoid, minimize, invalidate loss, grief?  Uncomfortable topic? yes! so?!  Here a woman lived 92 years & we are still trying to minimize the loss of her life.  Just b/c she lived what is socially acceptable and acknolwedgeable as worth grieving, we still try and push it down, ignore the pain of the ones left behind, who will miss her most.  We are a society afraid of death, dying and grief.  

Meme is dying a slow painful death.  I can't help but be angry about how in contrast this is with James' life & death.  He was barely alive, when he died.  His death was sudden, a shocking world altering flash of a moment.  Meme's life was long & her death has been long.  Life is fragile, one more fairy tale to add to the list of things I no longer believe.  I know anyone can die, anytime, suddenly, but I also know the body can withstand the unimaginable and drag out the unnecessary. 

So, this angry post is mostly about death being a crewel beast.  Death is the pain maker and our Society isolates, invalidates and shames us the grieving.  Even when death can mean salvation from pain, when we pray for it to come to bring mercy, it drags its heals.  Crewel, crewel beast.  

James, if she only knew you were there I know she'd hurry to see you.  Stand with the others with an outstretched hand and help her cross over my angel.  The price to keep her is too high.  

1 comment: