Tuesday, 5 July 2011

wrapped in his wings

I have read many posts about angels coming to visit in many forms & told that at some point I may be blessed with the same gift.

We celebrated Canada day over the past weekend & it was wonderful - beautiful weather & lots of genuine family time.  Each day, although we didn't do anything overly special there was a reminder and maybe even a visit by James.

On the Friday we visited a cherished friend & ended up a the park with Jeven.  While playing a strange little boy, older then Jeven approached us & wanted to play with Jev & the ball we had brought along.  Jev who is usually a very tentative child with other children at first, seemed to play more quickly with this child.  At some point, I asked - what's your name - to avoid having to encourage Jev to throw the ball to the "boy" - he replied James.  I lost my breath, froze for a moment & marveled at the coincidence - my thoughts went to how Jev & James would have been brothers & played in the park - just this way.  Then I wondered, could my James have come to visit & play with his brother through this other child.  Could he have chosen this child b/c he knew that his name would let me know he was there?  Too strange & not sure I totally believe it but I want to.

Saturday we spent again with one of my oldest friends & Melissa.  Our kids played at the park, we embraced another beautiful day & I got to hold Melissa, feed her, rock her gently to soothe her, watch Mike fall in love with her & cradle her - much the way I would imagine he would with any child of ours.  It was a good day - filled with the essence of James.  Then as we prepared to leave, my dear friend gave me a gift, a Treasure Bean made with love by another angel mom who pays tribute to lost angels.   My friend was ever so gentle when giving it to me & graciously insisted I open it when I was ready.  When I did, I felt love & joy for it is so much more beautiful then I expected.  Mike & I shared a moment of gratitude & love for James & that tribute now has a place on our mantle with James' candle.

Sunday was also beautiful and on our way out to the park Jev held James' locket in hand - something he hadn't done for many days.  His hold is always so gentle - just in the palm of his little hand.  I told him "That's James" & he closed his hand around it for a few moments & then released it.  My heart was full, is still full remembering it.

There were some confusing moments thinking of what could have been, but overall, my boys kept my spirits high - surrounding me with their love & presence.   The most I have felt joy & peace since James grew his wings & I think it might be b/c for the first time I felt like I was wrapped in them.

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