Tuesday, 17 January 2012

1 year ago was the beginning of the end...

One year ago today...just about now, our lives changed forever.   I'll always remember the words of the midwife as she had to accept that she wasn't going to find James' heartbeat..."hopefully it's a boy & he's just hiding, but I have to be honest, I'm worried".

I remember being so shocked & beyond disbelief I laughed in the office out of shock until we left and had to speak the possibility out loud & then I cracked big time.  I spent all kinds of energy that night trying to evoke a kick, a feeling, anything that night to prove he was alive, that he was just a boy & hiding.  I have to admit though that I knew, against all odds & against all hope, I knew.  I didn't sleep that night as I waited for my ultrasound appointment the next morning & prayed.

The beginning of the end was already in motion one year ago today.  


  1. Thinking of you and remembering with you...

  2. Sending love and hugs your way, and wishing that every baby in the world should be as loved as your James was, and still is.