Today my chest is tight as I face another first almost 3 years into this journey. A coworker lost her adult son in an accident late last week. As if that isn't trigger enough, today is the funeral. The funeral will be gut wrenching to begin with & I expect to be a waterfall of tears but the service is in the same funeral home as where we held James' service.
I have gone back and forth about going, talked myself in and out of it several times. In the end, I just can't abandon a fellow child loss parent. Yes, our losses are different, her son was an adult but child loss is, is child loss and I need to be there. I remember holding James service and the feeling of others discomfort, how people chose themselves over us in our time of most need. I will not abandon her but I know I will be an emotional wreck afterwards. I'm not ready for this, I don't want this first. No one ever does.
Deep breath. Jumping into that black hole of grief head first. Hoping to remember to breath & sending gentle wishes to the family mourning.
Back in the place where I last saw your gorgeous face. Send me strength sweet boy.