Moments

Since my initial elation over the birth of a very special girl, I've thought of all the very precious moments we will miss. 

The moment of knowing you did the most incredible thing & gave birth to a living child
The moment you hear that perfect life cry for the first time & can exhale
The moment you have him in your arms for the first time
The moment he looks at you with a tired glare
The moment you watch your husband stare in awe as they meet for the first time
The moment you know you've just grown your family
The moment you can look at him all wrapped up in his bassinet & he's peaceful - a miracle
The moment you hear all his tests are back & he's healthy
The moment you know you have this innocent life, this miracle in your life to take home & rejoice in.

So many moments we'll miss - so many wonderful moments that today keep me feeling like maybe it's worth doing it again. 

Previously the "what ifs" kept me from feeling ready, but in the last few days, it would seem I can't even feel the "what if".  Hopefully this means I'm moving in the right direction, not on a impulsive collision course with heartache.

Thinking of you James every second & imagining your beautiful face in all the moments listed above.  It would have been my great honour to have shared them with you.  Love you angel xoxo Mommy