Breathing again

I can breath again - at least for now.  Mike ended up coming with me & I'm so grateful to have had him there.  The first thing we saw was the baby's heart beating - the torso was the first thing to pop on the screen & both Mike & I zoomed in on that little beating heart.  I welled up with tears.

We had the most wonderful technician - it was as if she was sent to us from heaven - maybe James had something to do with it.  She not only did the usual but went well beyond - she had asked us before our history so must have known how important all the little details were.  I told her how grateful I was for her - I'm not sure she really knew how much I meant it.  She even marked the nuchal pocket & told us it was normal - a complete angel.  Measured the heartbeat & even let us hear it, my heart was overwhelmed with joy, relief & love, I feel really lucky to have shared with moment with Mike, the only other person who was with me when we couldn't find James' heartbeat - it just meant so much.

So, I know this is still early but I need to savour this day, what feels like a victory.  I know tomorrow things could change, but I get to go back on Friday and see it all over again -I can't wait! 

James - I know you were there & smiled over us as our hearts lept with joy at the good news.  What a relief to know you are always with us.  We started talking about your angel day - it's coming fast & we hope to make it a celebration. 

I'm totally exhausted now - hoping I'll sleep well tonight, maybe you'll visit me and we can celebrate today together there.  xoxoxox Love you Mommy